Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts

Friday, June 30, 2017

Eavesdropping, by Gillian


I say the days of eavesdropping are over. Like so many other things, it is obsolete; extinct. Voices yell intimacies into smartphones, while people's every thought, word, and deed, flood from Facebook and Twitter. We have entered an era more of anti-eavesdropping; of trying not to hear the intimate details of everyone's life; their every opinion. Not long after the last Superbowl a friend and I met for lunch. The business- men at the next table were so raucous in their analysis of the game that we had to move to another table. Next to that one, two women talked incessantly, almost as loud as those men, not to each other but into their phones. Eavesdropping, if you can even use the term, has become obligatory.

As a kid, especially being an only child, I loved to eavesdrop. I recall clearly one conversation on a bus. The young couple in the seat in front of me had a very emotional, if whispered, argument over whose fault it was that the girl was pregnant. I got quite an education. The last time I rode a bus, which actually was to get to Cheesman Park for the start of this year's Pride Parade, a young guy yelled abuse into his iPhone the entire trip. Apparently, his girlfriend was pregnant, and, very apparently, he was displeased. He repeatedly called her a 'fucking stupid bitch', occasionally switching to 'stupid fucking bitch', which seemed to exhaust his vocabulary. I really didn't want to hear it. I hurriedly shoved in my earbuds and turned on my iPod. Definitely we are in the anti-eavesdropping era.

I was first taught to eavesdrop by my parents. They listened constantly to Mother Nature, who never stops talking. Through them, I learned to relish birdsong, which of course is eavesdropping. They aren't singing to me - they sing to each other, or perhaps to themselves simply for the glory of the welcome light of morning. Mum and Dad taught me to listen to the whispers of the wind in the trees, or the howling of it against the window panes, and to know what it meant for tomorrow's weather. From my aunt, and later from a wonderful teacher in high school, I learned to listen to the whispers of the rocks. They also never stop talking, but oh so quietly. If you can manage to hear them, they tell the amazing history of our planet, and they tattle-tale on Mother Nature herself. They give away her age. As far as our planet is concerned, at least, she is middle-aged; half way between birth and her life-expectancy of nine billion years. The rocks tell us that dinosaurs once roamed right here, where we sit this Monday afternoon. (Not exactly here, on the second floor, but you get my drift!)

But there's something up with old Ma Nature. She's not as quiet as she used to be. Her whispers became louder. Over the more recent decades she has begun not only to talk out loud but even to shout. She knows something. She wants us to know. But we don't listen.

We are well into the anti-eavesdropping era.

We really don't want to hear it.

We put on our headphones and turn up the music.

Mother Nature is desperate. We must hear her. She will be OK, as will the planet, at least for another five billion or so years, but we must save ourselves. She tosses tumultuous tornado swarms at us to wake us up, and hurls humongous hurricanes to get our attention. We ignore her. In 2003 as many as 70,000 deaths in Europe were attributed to record heat. In June last year London hit it's highest temperature on record, at 103. TV shots showed train tracks buckling in the heat. But this July as I tried to watch the tennis at Wimbledon, (I say 'tried' because it was rained out day after day) London was treated to the wettest month on record. Last year's heat waves in India, Pakistan, and parts of South America broke all records. Australia has had to add new colors to weather maps to accommodate temperatures never experienced before. Climate craziness.

2015 also brought heat records to Alaska and parts of the American southwest. Meanwhile we recently had record rainfall in China, and across this country from Texas to Washington D.C.

And still we hear nothing.

Mother Nature might as well be silent for all the attention we pay.

Flames roar from the forests on every continent. Even as I write this, sitting on the patio, I smell in the air the smoke from the Boulder County fire. Another fire blazes on Hayden Pass, Colorado, which they do not expect to contain before October.

Mother nature absolutely screams.

Still we do nothing.

A few years ago, residents of several Polynesian nations banded together in a desperate attempt to get the world to care about their islands, which were, and of course still are, disappearing into the Pacific. In their traditional hand-hewn wooden boats, they temporarily were able to block the mouth of the Australian harbor from which a huge coal-ship was ready to leave. The coal was destined for the huge hungry mouths of the Chinese coal-fired energy plants, whose energy goes to fill the huge hungry mouths of the endless factories producing goods for the endless huge hungry mouths  of the world's insatiable consumer appetites. Don't blame Australia. Don't blame China. There's plenty of guilt to go round. We are all guilty. I still drive my car, and occasionally I fly on a plane which is exponentially worse for the environment. Those south-sea islanders get it. It's in your face down there; quite literally. When that beautiful blue ocean which once lapped at your feet, starts to slap you in the face, you get it.

Hopeful-sounding treaties are signed every now and then, after endless wrangling, but always making agreements for future goals, not demanding big decisive action now. It all smacks, to me, of the alcoholic who intends to quit drinking once he's finished this last bottle of whisky. No! He has to quit now. Poor out the rest. We are all addicts, hooked on our lifestyles and standards of living. We need to quit now, not when we've smoked that last carton of cigarettes. If we don't start hearing Mother Nature's cries right now, it will be too late.

What if that man on the bus was not shouting abuse at his girlfriend, but yelling to me; to all the passengers? 'Fire! Fire! The bus is on fire. Get out now. Fire! Fire!'

I ignore him. I do nothing. All the people on the bus do nothing.

I don my noise-canceling headphones, turn up the music and go into anti-eavesdropping mode, breathing in the billowing smoke.

We would all say, that is just insane, suicidal, behavior.

Wouldn't we?

© July 2016 

About the Author 

I was born and raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30-years at IBM. I married, raised four stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting myself as a lesbian. I have been with my wonderful partner Betsy for thirty-years. We have been married since 2013.

Monday, June 27, 2016

You'll Never Know, by Gillian


No, I probably won't, but I suspect that expression might soon need to be protected under the Endangered Species Act. It surely must be close to extinction. Extremely popular as recently as our younger days, attitudes have changed so much that people rarely say, or even think, these days, you'll never know ... whatever.

Not only people, but computer systems, know more about us than we do ourselves. King Soopers knows what I eat, Argonaut knows what I drink, Amazon knows what I read. A part of us seems to resent and fear this, yet we relentlessly feed the world endless information.

We shout everything from the rooftops. We tell everyone everything, from inane trivia to what would once have been deep dark secrets.

Take Facebook for instance. (Please, take it! I don't want it.) So many people telling me so much more than I could ever need, or want, to know. Am I supposed to be enthralled by the final success of some friend of a friend's grandchild's potty training? Or someone whose name means nothing to me proclaiming that he, without fail, flosses his teeth six times every day? Or the myriad of lunatic responses to this claim from people I don't know and don't want to know?

I'd like to say that I hate Facebook, but in all honesty I simply stay away from it so I'm not involved enough to hate it. I do, however, regret the way in which it has created impersonal communication from the personal.

Once upon a time - and not so very long ago - cousin Fred would send a postcard when he visited New York. It would have the same tired photo of the Empire State Building on the front, and some version of wish you were here on the back. Nevertheless, how nice of him, you would say, to think of me. It was personal. It made you feel good.

Now, you look at Fred's photo-journal on Facebook, detailing his trip to Bangkok. He recounts every event of every day, down to what he ate for dinner. You can imagine his trip much more vividly then you did from the old postcards, but what happened to that warm fuzzy you used to get from them? What happened to the personal touch? What happened to that oh how nice of you to think of me feeling? I haven't a clue whether he ever gave me a thought or not. He sent this report out into the ether to be read by anyone who cared to do so. I would really get more out of a boring photo and a banal message; at least it was for ME.

A while back I heard via a mutual friend that a good friend of mine had just returned from New Zealand.

'I didn't even know she'd gone to New Zealand!' I wailed.

'It's all been on Facebook,' she replied, looking pitying and puzzled as if I'd just told her I couldn't read.

A couple of weeks ago, a group of old lesbians Betsy and I belong to were joined for lunch by a few teenagers who shared with us their experiences with being .... um .... and here I shall begin to flounder because I am not too sure what they would consider the politically correct terminology. My apologies to any of you wonderful young people who happen ever to read this, which I think highly unlikely. I think their version of the alphabet soup was LGBTQIA+, the QIA being questioning, intersex, and asexual. What an education these kids are. They talk with assurance about identifying as gender-queer, gender-fluid, non-binary, and half the time I'm not sure even what they're saying. It's another language. And here we were, many of us in this room, when we were that age, ignorant of even one word to describe what we knew, at some level, ourselves to be. I recall that huge hurdle, as it appeared at the time, we had to leap in order simply to inform others that we were attracted to those of the same sex, or that we were trapped in the wrong body. Can you even begin to imagine trying to explain to your parents that you are never sure, at any given moment, whether you will feel that you are female or male, or to which sex you may feel attracted. Or that you chose not to identify as any gender. You just are.

For some of them, their preferred pronoun is 'they' rather than he or she, which is vaguely possible in the English language but when I try it I find it very confusing.

It was all starting to make my head hurt.

Don't get me wrong though, I have every admiration for these young people: out to the world, apologizing for nothing, completely proactive on their own behalf. I'm not foolish enough to think it's easy for them, but none of them is ever going to think, in some secret, inner, self, you'll never know ....

Everyone knows, and I bet they're all out, loud and proud, on Facebook.

Perhaps, if I used Facebook, I would be more familiar with the the language of today's LGBTQIA etc. youth, though I am not ashamed to admit my deplorable ignorance face to face.

Maybe I just have to accept that if I am to keep up with what is happening in the world in general, and with those nearest and dearest, I shall have to resort to Facebook. But I'd still rather receive a postcard.

© November 2015




About the Author


I was born and raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30 years at IBM. I married, raised four stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting myself as a lesbian. I have been with my wonderful partner Betsy for thirty years. We have been married since 2013.

Friday, October 30, 2015

Bumper Stickers, by Gillian


Bumper stickers, to me, are a kind of precursor of Facebook. I don't partake in Facebook because my miserably puny ego cannot begin to imagine there is one person out there in cyberspace, let alone millions, remotely interested in what I did yesterday or what I think of today, or what I think of anything. Similarly, I assume that the people in the car behind me have little interest in who I voted, or plan to vote, for. Neither do they care that I want to free Tibet or Texas, am ALREADY AGAINST THE NEXT WAR or that my daughter is an honor student at Dingledum High.

It strikes me as a very strange, and I think almost uniquely American, need; this urge we seem to have to tell everyone around us such facts about ourselves. It's only, what, three generations ago at the most, that no-one would dream of telling anyone how they voted - even if someone asked, which of course no one would. Now we apparently feel compelled to scream it to all those complete strangers who chance to glance at our car. I'm no psychologist but surely it must be all about ego? My candidate is better than yours. My causes are greater than yours. I am right and so, if you think differently, you are wrong. I'm a better parent than you, see, with my honor student daughter and my son who plays football for the Dingledum Dummies. And I proudly display a Dingledum University sticker, managing to imply even higher levels of success. I even have a better dog than you, as I proclaim BULLDOGS ARE THE BEST BREED.

Sadly, these things have now gone beyond simple proclamations. They are frequently derogatory, angry, and confrontational. That poor Honor Student particularly seems to attract attention, as in MY KID CAN BEAT UP YOUR HONOR STUDENT, or MY SON IS FIGHTING FOR THE FREEDOM OF YOUR HONOR STUDENT. No longer content with advertising how we vote, or don't, we now have to add a comment. VOTE DEMOCRAT. IT'S EASIER THAN WORKING or VOTE REPUBLICAN FOR GOD, GUNS AND GUTS.

In our gun-crazy, polarized, society, I am constantly surprised that those kind of bumper stickers don't engender more violence, and also those commanding that you HONK YOUR HORN IF YOU'VE FOUND JESUS, HONK IF YOU HATE OBAMA or HONK YOUR HORN IF YOU SUPPORT GUN CONTROL, the latter a clear invitation to be shot, if you ask me. Al Capone supposedly said that an armed society is a polite society but that doesn't seem to hold for bumper stickers!

Some stickers, I have to say, are creative and funny. There's little that cheers me up faster when I'm stuck in a traffic jam, than a good laugh at the bumper sticker in front of me. A WOMAN NEEDS A MAN LIKE A FISH NEEDS A BICYCLE is one of my favorites, along with TV IS GOODER THAN BOOKS and INVEST IN YOUR COUNTRY - BUY A CONGRESSMAN, and one most of us can relate to, INSIDE EVERY OLD PERSON IS A YOUNG PERSON WONDERING WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED.

I confess I have not always been totally immune to bumper sticker appeal. My car sported a U.S. NAVY sticker when my oldest stepson signed up, to be joined by U.S. MARINES SEMPER FI when my youngest went that direction. But that was simply to show my support to my stepsons, not to anyone else. Which of course is probably, in large part, the justification for all those honor student stickers. I only once succumbed to the political cause sticker, and that was in 1992 when I felt strongly enough about it to post VOTE NO ON AMENDMENT 2 on my bumper.

As I waited at a stop sign in Denver one day, another car pulled up close behind and a man with a tire iron in his fist jumped out. He ran at my car, yelling queer abuse, and brought the iron bar down just as the traffic cleared and I was able to gun the car forward. The blow broke the rear side window and I sped into the nearby King Soopers parking lot where I knew there would at least be a security guard. But the crazy guy didn't follow, and that was the end of the incident.

And, call me coward if you like, it was also the end of my brief involvement with bumper stickers.

© 5 Jan 2015 

About the Author 

I was born and raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30 years at IBM. I married, raised four stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting myself as a lesbian. I have now been with my wonderful partner Betsy for 28 years.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Reputation, by Gillian


Reputation is an idle and most false imposition; oft got without merit, and lost without deserving. – William Shakespeare

As most often, I completely agree with you, Will.  A reputation is a dangerous thing; good or bad, yours or someone else's.  I guess the essence of their threat lies in the fact that we all tend to become sucked in by them, rather than by the reality of a person's character. And, again, this is as true of our own as of others'. Being fooled by another person's reputation, or image, is dangerous. Being led astray from your real self by your own, can be disastrous.

Reputations, and the images they create of us, can stay pretty stable throughout a lifetime, but for many of us they are fluid, changing as we grow. Who doesn't know that wild child with the dreadful reputation in high school, who grew up to be a boringly conventional pillar of the community? Nevertheless that past reputation can hang around. Who has completely forgotten Chappaquiddick? It followed Ted Kennedy to his grave and beyond into the history books. The same for Monica Lewinsky, who will forever haunt Clinton's reputation.

I'm not sure whether reputations have become more insidious in our modern word, or less.

In the days when most of us lived in small communities where everyone knew everyone else, it was hard for anyone to escape their established reputation and build a new one. You aren't going to employ Bob to put in your new windows. He got caught shop-lifting at the dime store when he was ten. Probably rips off all his glass from some place. And as for letting Mary baby-sit. Remember how she knocked her baby sister off the chair that time? Well, yes, probably was an accident but still ......   

These days, we tend not to know that the woman selling us insurance used to beat her children, or that the man fixing our car is a longtime alcoholic. On the other hand, anything you do or say can swoop around the world in a nanosecond, and if whatever it is goes viral, God help you!

I believe a lot of what Facebook is about is changing reputations, your own and others', which is surely much easier to do these days than back in the small town where you were the town drunk for life no matter that you had been on the wagon for half of your life.

Winston Churchill was a perfect example of changing reputations. Come to that, he still is.  His youthful military escapades were a mixed bag, but, never lacking in ego, by the age of 26 he had published five books about them. His reputation was mixed, but he was made Lord of the Admiralty at the ridiculously young age of 37. Sadly for him, and alas much sadder for the 250,000 casualties, his poorly-conceived Siege of the Dardanelles during WW1 was a total disaster and he was forced to resign, with his reputation in tatters. He immediately redeemed much of it by consigning himself to trench warfare, where he reportedly fought with vigor and valor.

Between the wars, his constant warnings of impending and inevitable war with Germany again diminished his reputation. No-one wanted to hear it. The Boer War was not so long over, and the British were not up for another. But when Germany broke its promises and invaded Poland, Churchill was proven right and his reputation soared. Almost instantaneously he was made Prime Minister and, with his reputation as that British Bulldog thundering around him, proclaimed by most as Britain's savior. His very reputation, along with endless stirring speeches, did much to keep spirits high under desperate conditions, and to keep most Britons determined to go on fighting.

But that reputation, as a supreme fighter who would never give up, lost all appeal the moment the war ended. Churchill's hawkish reputation coupled with his endless warnings over the new threat from the Soviets, were too scary for peace-time. Two months later Winston Churchill was defeated soundly at the polls.

His ego, however, remained undaunted. He had no fear for his reputation.  "History," he pronounced, "Will be kind to me for I intend to write it."  Which he did. Over his lifetime he wrote 43 books in 72 volumes.

But still he was unable completely to preserve a positive reputation.  Although for many years it was considered akin to blasphemy to criticize such a great hero, that is no longer the case. There is much discussion these days as to whether Churchill was, to quote Dr. Andrew Roberts, "Brilliant Statesman or Brutal Demagogue." Just from his own quotations, he was clearly misogynistic and racist, but in his day that was not condemned as it is today. So reputations change not only as a person changes, and events change, but as attitudes change.

And so we re-write history.

It's hard to be sure what one's own reputation is. Probably, in many cases, not exactly what we think it is or would like it to be. I do know that when I was married the first time, to a man, we were considered a really strong, stable couple. I know that because our friends were so utterly shocked when we split up. And, in so many ways, that reputation was valid. Except for one teensy weensy detail which no-one knew.  In one way our reputation as a married couple was true. In another, it was as far off as it could be. But I was the only one who knew that; and I played my part so well.

When I came out, I became a bit confused. I wasn't at all sure what the archetypal lesbian would be; but whatever it was, that's what I would become. I observed carefully in this new world, and acted accordingly to create a new reputation, a new version of myself. Thankfully, this stage did not last long.  

You're doing it again! I said to myself. Your entire life you have created a false reputation for yourself, and now you're finally free, you're doing it again! STOP!

So I did.

And for over 30 years now, I have simply been me. I don't know what kind of reputation I have.  I don't care. A reputation is simply others' visions, versions, of me. It may or may not be anywhere near the truth. It simply doesn't matter.

Free at last!

© October 2014 

About the Author 


I was born and raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30 years at IBM. I married, raised four stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting myself as a lesbian. I have now been with my wonderful partner Betsy for 25 years.