Tuesday, December 25, 2012

An Old Fashioned Christmas (A Satire) by Betsy


          How could Christmas NOT be my favorite holiday.  It was for me as a child an idyllic time. 

          Preparations for the festivities started early in the morning of the day before Christmas. Father would ask who wanted to go and help cut down the Christmas tree.  Of course, being a dyke, I never missed this trip. Father always let me carry the axe.  We had many trees to choose from--hundreds.  A lifetime supply of Christmas trees in the woods next to our house. 

          Father would drag the tree into the house and set it up.  There it would stand by the fireplace patiently waiting to be decorated.  Tree decorating always took place after dinner on Christmas Eve.  After helping Mother in the kitchen we would gather around the tree singing carols whilst hanging mostly handmade baubles, snowflake cut outs, strings of pop corn and cranberries.  

          Then, of course, the stockings would be hung by the chimney.  We always took great care in doing this.  My siblings and I were completely exhausted by this time of the day.

          Oh, I forgot to mention the ice skating. We always skated on our pond in the afternoon of this exciting day.  It helped to pass the time as the anticipation of all the Christmas activities was very intense.  Mother said we needed to work off our energy.

          After the stockings were hung it was off to bed.  After all, we were told, Santa would not make a stop here unless the children were asleep.

          Christmas morning was the best time of all.  We could go downstairs and empty our stockings any time we wanted.  We could not open any presents until after the family breakfast and when Father said it was time.  Then he would hand out the gifts one-at-a-time.

          Before we knew it it was time to get ready to go to Grandmother’s for Christmas dinner. It was such a fun-filled day, and we didn’t even have time to play with our new toys and it was still a fun-filled day.

          Father would go to the barn, hitch the horse to the sleigh, and park it in front of the house.  That signaled that it was time to bundle up, pile into the sleigh, and head to Grandmother’s house. It seems that there was always on Christmas morning new-fallen snow sparkling in the sunlight brightly decorating the trees as we flew through the woods on our way to Grandmother’s house.  The horse knew the way, of course.  So even Father could join in the singing most of the way.  So it was over the next hill and through a dale and we were there.  Grandmother always had the plumpest of turkeys ready for us for Christmas dinner.  Oh, and Grandmother made the best sticky pudding for dessert.  We all overate and began feeling quite sick realizing Christmas would soon be over. The party was coming to an end. 

          It’s an odd thing too.  Every year was the same.  Father never could drive the sleigh home.  I think it has something to do with his many trips to the barn or the bathroom or somewhere where he would be alone for quite a few minutes.  He said he had to take his medicine.  By the time we got to Grandmother’s he had to take quite a lot.  But that was okay because when he came back he would feel much better and be really happy--until after dinner at Grandmother’s and he was so tired he couldn’t even wake up, so Mother would have to drive the sleigh home.

          So it went for many years.  How could Christmas NOT be my favorite holiday?  Does this sound like a fantastic Christmas?  This is a fantasy Christmas.  May yours be just as merry as mine!


About the Author


Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years. Since her retirement her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.

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