“Hear that? It’s Debussy’s Le Mer.” How appropriate for the moment. Sounds just the way I feel. It is so hard to get started in the morning, the prospects of managing another day’s routine and decisions nagging at my subconscious.
“Subconscious, why do you command so much energy of my old mind? We are always at swords point or you’ve taken over completely. You’re the victor and I’m the defeated. You revel in the worst negative. O, these quiet hours of solitude.”
And then I said, “Well, how did you know when your retreat into self-imposed isolation would result in the discovery of your real self.” Did it settle all of those damning self-doubts? I guess it did, it is hard for me to imagine you any different than you are now. How long did it take in meditation or whatever to lift that millstone from your back? Can you show me how? I don’t think I have the will or discipline to beat my evil twin.
The music swells and I envision a soul departing this vail of all it demands. See it rising into the sky like a balloon, oh feel the relief from escaping everything earthly. What an adventure. The vastness of the universe beckons. Maybe this soul will be drown to all the other family of soul that took this trip earlier. How about that. A family reunion. It might be crowded.
OMG. Will this all end up the same old, same old? No, remember you left all that sub conscious junk back there. You’ll just have to be patient.
Sounds like the sea has crashed it’s final crescendo and the two battling sub-consciousnesses have given up until tomorrow morning, ready for another go at whatever.
How do you know anything, when, how, where, why? Solitude can be so tired, deadly and lonely.
And then there comes another melody with words:
“Never treats; me sweet and gentle, the way he should.
I’ve got it bad and that ain’t good
Lord above me make him love me the way he should
I’ve got it bad and that ain’t good!
I end up like I start out,
Just crying my heart out.
I’ve got it bad and that ain’t good.
(With apologies to Earl Father Hines.)
© 30 September
2013
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