My Gay Husband, by Jude Gassaway

Just because I am rather Butch, do not assume that I don’t have a man husband.

In the Spring of 1987, I went to the Desert & Mountain States Lesbian & Gay Conference in Albuquerque, where I met Hal and his partner, Gene, hosts for the event. Even though Hal could not direct me to a place in town where I might ‘parknik’ and spend the night for free in my truck, he was prescient in his advice to a strange Lesbian: that the entertainment for Saturday night, although a pair of men, was actually geared to both men’s and women’s senses of humor; and was not a man-only event. Romanofsky and Phillips was a good show.

I spent the night in the high school auditorium’s parking lot, for free.

The next year, the D&MS L&G conference was held in Denver. I arrived early and immediately ran into Hal. He demanded that we exchange last names, phone numbers, and addresses, right there, and he issued a standing invitation: Whenever doing any geology or travel in New Mexico, to be sure to stop by for a shower, laundry, fresh water, and I could sleep in his driveway, for free. Plus, the person who lived in the host city was responsible for finding a superb Thai restaurant, for a soon to be traditional Saturday night dinner, which I was able to do (Thai Heip).

The first Seminar that I attended was led by BJ Peck, a local therapist. Titled: Alcohol and 12-step programs. There were a dozen chairs arranged in a circle. I sat at 8 o’clock, and watched the others arrive. The attendees were all women I knew from Denver, some therapists, and others from the Denver Women’s Chorus, from the Women’s Coming Out Group at the Center, and from local AA groups. There was an empty chair to my left. Just as BJ got up to close the door and start the meeting, Hal walked by, caught my eye, and he came in and occupied the last seat, next to me. Hal was not known to the others in the room.

BJ started the introductions which included our reasons for being there, and we went clockwise around the room. Just like an AA Meeting: “Hi, my name is Jude and I am an alcoholic. I attend the Gay AA groups, and my interest in this group is to see what other recovery groups there are in Denver, and....” turning to the man on my left, I continued, “This is my husband, Hal.”

Hal, being both adult and sober, was able to introduce himself and proceed as if he hadn’t just gotten married to a Lesbian. We have been married ever since.

We communicate by frequent e-mails (calling each other Husby and Wiffi). Sometimes, Hal calls me his “Sweet Petunia Blossom”. This year is our 29th Anniversary.

© May 2017

About the Author

Retired USGS Field Geologist.

Founding member, Denver Womens Chorus