Increasingly in my senior years I am more aware of the power of touch, human warmth and acceptance, with acknowledgement and sincerity in my interactions with others. I went to a study group thirty-six years ago and had a new experience. The male host, as I was leaving, grabbed me and gave me a big bear hug. I froze. Never had anyone except a close family member had ever done that. Even as a child there was seldom more than a pat or handshake.
Slowly, as I became a father and had intimate relations with my wife, I was more and more affectionate and receptive of warmth and closeness that I’d seldom experienced as a child. However, I had never hugged or been hugged by a man and only by the women that I had dated or married. When Jim hugged me, my automatic stiffing and adrenalin rush became an obsessive mind blower over the next several weeks, something I’d never even thought about. Intellectually I knew that hugging was one of the things that everyone at the study group did as they said good bye. I wasn’t prepared emotionally. It is surprising how a single, seemingly innocent happening can be life changing.
At the time I could not have let myself think of having an emotional or physical interaction with anyone other than my wife and kids. I was now introduced to a group of people who showed each other their welcomeing, acceptance, acknowledgement and greetings by hugging each other, and doing so without any sexual or manipulative overtones. It took a while for me to adjust to this totally different way of interacting with others. This whole thing about touching and having different emotions and intensions became a new and complex learning experience, both mentally and experientially.
As the years passed and my last marriage dissolved I became more and more attracted to men, another challenging and mind boggling growth experience. I must be an awfully slow learner or had so much childhood baggage that it took many years to wrap my mind and emotions around the simple act of an affectionate, heart-felt hug or even being comfortable in intimate encounters, of which I hadn’t had much experience. Not only does our thinking change almost unconsciously over time, but so do our emotions, our attitudes, our beliefs and the naturalness of opening our arms, inviting a hug and having that contact that is warm and personal without the unwanted overtones.
I now have a reputation for being a hugger. It is amazing how starved people are for acceptance and acknowledgement. Yesterday I was with someone I hadn’t seen for a couple of months. We greeted each other and gave each other a hug. It was so natural and caring and she said what I so often hear, “I really needed that.”
At the GLBT Center, Prime Timers, and in other situations when it seems comfortable, I usually invite hugs and often a kiss. Most of the time a hug is accepted and I think, appreciated. Receiving that acceptance and affection for me is a joy and a boost. It makes being so much more meaningful and positive. I feel uplifted, accepted and appreciated.
I’ve heard that it is a gift to someone to offer your friendship and affection. I believe and experience that as true.
I would also mention that to wake up in someone’s arms is one of the most comforting and fulfilling of experiences.
Living a life filled with love is what I am most thankful for among all the other wonderful blessings that are now a part of the joys of my beingness.
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