Endless Joy by Nicholas

At a time in my life when I realize that nothing is endless, least of all joy, though perhaps torment is endless, but really not even that, I do not know what to say about endless joy. Is it possible? Would I even want it? Wouldn’t it become boring? Would it be bearable?

To conceive of something endless is not really possible, is beyond the capacity of our finite human minds which, if not finite themselves, can deal only in the finite world. This is what we mean by “getting my mind around” something—containing it, roping it in. Endless is not possible and is not even appealing. Endless is kind of an absurdity and joy can be even more problematic. Joy can be hard to find and quick to lose.

I have had from time to time a sense of what seems like eternity, a sense of timelessness. I can get so wrapped up in the now of whatever I’m doing that awareness of time passing simply escapes me. That’s how I imagine eternity, a perpetual, timeless now. We’re entering the boggle-sphere here. Concepts that just boggle the mind.

Now, if the topic were constant joy, I could list many things that fill my life with happiness. Being with Jamie for one. Celebrating holidays or anytime with good friends and family. A walk in the snow. Seeing the snow go away and flowers bloom. Cooking, eating, drinking wine. Riding a train. Sipping a cup of hot chocolate on a cold afternoon. Bicycling on a summer morning. Reading a good book. Dreaming of writing projects—actually doing them, that is.

But. Nothing is endless except endlessness itself. The universe has many endings but goes on and on. Time has many endings but goes on. Winter follows autumn and then spring follows winter and then summer and then autumn again in that endless cycle of beginnings and endings. The now-bare forsythia bush by my back door will one day sprout buds and then brilliant yellow flowers as it follows the perpetual, plodding and exhilarating cycle of life and seasons endlessly. And that is the source of joy.

January, 2014

About the Author

Nicholas grew up in Cleveland, then grew up in San Francisco, and is now growing up in Denver. He retired from work with non-profits in 2009 and now bicycles, gardens, cooks, does yoga, writes stories, and loves to go out for coffee.