Competition -- In the End There Are No Losers by Betsy

I have heard many people often declare themselves to be very competitive. “I am a very competitive person, they declare. Maybe that’s why I love sports.” 

I examined this statement when I approached this topic because I am one of those people who loves sports, but, I find myself somewhat reticent to declare myself to be “competitive” by nature. “Why is it,” I ask myself, that I am hesitant to call myself competitive. After some deep soul-searching I find that the answer is very simple really. Being a competitive person means one is a person who likes to win. So, I surmise, when a person declares him or herself or another person to be a competitive person, now I know, deep-down the real meaning of that declaration. That person likes to win. 

Surely, I am not that person, AM I?

Think about it. Surely “being a competitive person does not mean you like to lose. Well, for that matter, does anyone like to lose? 

I honestly believe that some people do not care as much as others. “Why is that?” I ask. Why is it so important for some and not for others? 

Are we talking about only sports here? In our culture winning in sports is very important. However, some of us learn, hopefully, that how we play the game and being a good loser--being a good sport--is ultimately the most important factor. After all, in sports competition, 50% of the participants have to lose. That’s a lot of losers. 

Watching the recent Olympic Games in Sochi, the difference between the silver medalists who considered themselves winners and those who were devastated because they missed out on the gold medal was notable.

The Olympics is an awesome display of the competitive spirit. I do believe that one must want to win to dedicate him or herself to the rigors of years of training and then hold up to the pressures of the moment (often measured in one hundredths of a second). I consider it an achievement of greatness just to be on the team. 

So I guess what it boils down to is another question to ask myself. “What is winning? What does WINNING mean for me?” The simple answer: in sports ultimately it means being the best I can be--in ALL ways--including being a good loser but having played the best I could at the time. I have found myself being completely outmatched on the tennis court--overwhelmed. A very humbling experience and put the competition into perspective. The best I can do at a time like that is just stand back and clap. But put in the right perspective I do not believe the humbling experience ever hurt anyone really. 

I think the same rules apply in other areas of life as well. There’s plenty of competition out there for jobs, promotions, rewards, recognition, etc. But competition is simplified in sports and games. There’s a score, a final decider, a winner and a loser.

In other areas of life there’s politics, emotional dynamics, prejudices that enter into the outcome of the competition. And who is the decider of the outcome? That’s beyond our control usually.

I guess what is really important in competition is attitude. When I do not come out the gold medal winner in an event, whether it is sports or anything else, life does go on.

And going on with a bad attitude or a chip on my shoulder or feeling the victim is certainly not going to buy me anything positive or self-enhancing in the future, is it?

Why do we play games and participate in sports activities? Certainly not to make ourselves feel miserable. Yet I have seen plenty of times people who pay lots of money to do something that in the end has made them feel miserable because they did not win. 

Seems like kind of a risky use of good money. Would it not be a better use of funds to buy some kind of entertainment such as a play or good concert? But on the other hand in THOSE kinds of activities there is no potential for the glory of winning. 

So perhaps the truth is that in the end competition in games and sports provides a structure for an artificial prop for the EGO. There it is again! The ego--its ugly head pops up once again. 

My experiences at losing in competitions and my writing exercises are a constant reminder: “Betsy, keep your ego and yourself separate. They are not one in the same thing. My studies of Eckhart Tolle’s writing have taught me that. A good lesson indeed and one to be remembered at all times. Because in the end there really are no losers.

© 14 April 2014

 About the Author

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change). She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years. Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.