I didn’t serve in the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force,
Coast Guard or Reserves. I dropped out of Boy Scouts after moving up several
classes and earning lots of badges. Although I liked singing in the choir at
Boy’s State I pretty much detested its political plotting, campaigning, and
especially marching. I wasn’t military material; not competitive, obedient, or
strong enough. Still I had a strong military background; I grew up in a
military town, Junction City, a railroad town next to Fort Riley in central
Kansas. I grew up next to where General George Armstrong Custer with his
Seventh Cavalry planned military campaigns against aboriginal folk. I grew up
next to military games of the Seventh Cavalry Armored Division that in my time
featured jeeps, tanks, big guns, infantry, and nighttime flares. I grew up
knowing my great grandfather had worked at three Kansas forts when he first emigrated
here from Germany and that two of my uncles had served in the military. I grew
up in schools peopled with the children of Army officers, GIs, and civil
service employees. I sat in classes with kids who had lived the past three
years in Germany. I attended school with girls who grew up in Europe and spoke
heavily accented English. Daily I heard the chop, chop, chop of overhead
passing helicopters from the base airport. When we drove through the Fort I saw
barracks, parade grounds, war memorials, historic officers’ houses, weapons, and
armories. I saw the PX and the Commissary.
I went to church with folk from the Fort. I carried out groceries to
cars owned by soldiers. I watched my neighbor polish his boots to the most
unbelievable shine. I got to know his Japanese wife. I shopped in Army surplus
stores, daily walked past GI bars, and on payday night saw lines of enlisted young
men waiting to enter whore houses on East Ninth Street. I saw silk jackets with
wild-looking dragons on their backs brought home from Asian assignments. I heard
stories, saw military parades, and watched as convoys passed by on Interstate 70.
I played Army with my neighborhood buddies using either plastic soldiers or our
own play guns. I viewed endless military newsreels while awaiting my turn at
the Saturday morning gun club in the basement of the Municipal Auditorium where
local police took their target practice, in the same building that housed the
USO. Army was everywhere, even in my imagination, but I couldn’t feature
actually entering the service in any of its forms. I wasn’t a good match.
Dad told me of a worship service when America was on the
brink of war, probably at the onset of the Korean conflict. The preacher that
Sunday had waxed eloquently about the terrible enemy that was threatening our
values and safety. After Dad had turned off the organ, stowed his music scores,
and said goodbye to the choir, he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand. He asked, “Why is it that preachers preach
peace until the nation is on the brink of war and then preach war?” He said the
preacher got really red in the face, but he didn’t tell me the man’s response
to him, or if he did I have no memory of it. I was fascinated with Dad’s
ability to support and confront, a natural counseling approach he had never
studied. He did so out of a sense of conscience, a tribute I suppose to his
father’s being reared Quaker. His people were thoughtful and honest. Coming out
of high school in the early thirties, he was unable to attend college, but he
was an avid reader, a theologically curious church lay leader, and very bright.
I don’t recall Dad leading me away from military service, but I do remember his
interest that I become a preacher. Perhaps he wanted me to preach peace.
In a Christian Ethics course in Seminary I developed a
great interest in how decisions are really made, at least that’s how I
expressed it. I opined over and over in the class the function of emotions in
moral judgment and action. I criticized our texts that said little about their
roles. I studied extensively in nineteenth and twentieth century philosophical,
theological, and psychological theory of the passions to find out all I could.
The teacher of the course liked to quantify our responses to ethical problems.
“On a scale of one to ten,” he’d say, “where do you place yourself…?” We were
supposed to choose a number. War was one issue. I refused to quantify my
response but, knowing myself, explained that if I were faced with an enemy I
would probably defend myself and my family. Having lived around the military
all my childhood, even without being interested in becoming a soldier, I
realized I’d probably want to defend my loved ones and country in some way. I might
declare myself a pacifist theoretically, but if the enemy was crossing the
border with guns aimed at me, I’d come to the defense. I was pretty sure that my
response would be visceral. Visions of helicopters and jeeps, guns and GI’s
still played out their power in me even fifteen years after I’d moved away from
the Fort. I guess that’s just old military me.
On the other hand I pretty much believe in the sanctity
of all life. Also I can pretty much be a wimp. Maybe I’d argue with myself as
the enemy approached and have no chance to use a gun I don’t know how to shoot,
be run over by an enemy who is stronger than I, or otherwise fight without any
chance of winning. And if I lasted very long, I’d surely wonder “winning what?”
Now that is really old me even though I can still hear the big guns blasting
off in the distance of my childhood. Guess I’d better stick with philosophy.
© 23 Nov 2011
About the Author
Phillip Hoyle
lives in Denver and spends his time writing, painting, and socializing. In
general he keeps busy with groups of writers and artists. Following thirty-two
years in church work and fifteen in a therapeutic massage practice, he now
focuses on creating beauty. He volunteers at The Center leading the SAGE
program “Telling Your Story.”
He also blogs
at artandmorebyphilhoyle.blogspot.com
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