When looking at the definition of the word “wisdom” -‘having or showing experience, knowledge and
good judgment’ – I have to honestly say it seems not much of that applies to me
at age 65. Perhaps real wisdom will come in the decades after 65 if I am lucky
enough to experience them. I am though relatively content with where I am with
how I move in the world and my overall view of it despite the fact that I don’t
appear to be offering up much to the eventual survival of the species.
I do think though I have a bit of wisdom incorporated into my
nursing work and I do believe that a level of true compassion, as opposed to
the often politically correct ‘idiot compassion’, has over four decades been
slowly ripened and gets expressed in perhaps actually helping the folks seeking
health care I run into these days. This involves an approach I really started
to only hone in the early 1990’s in the AIDS Clinic at Denver Health and
supported by the philosophical writings of my favorite nursing theorist
Margaret Newman. I have I think shared this quote from Newman’s work in the
past but here it is again: “The responsibility of the nurse is not to make
people well, or to prevent their getting sick, but to assist people to
recognize the power that is within them to move to higher levels of
consciousness”.
A recent example of this in practice is offering to take
certain select friends to see the documentary Fed Up currently playing at the Mayan Theatre. Rather than
continued harping at them about how their diet is fueling their metabolic
syndromes and in certain case frank diabetes, I am simply facilitating their
exposure to this wonderful film and maybe some of it will hit home and get
incorporated into changes in their diets. Though an after movie stop at Gigi’s
Cupcakes at 6th and Grant makes me wonder if I didn’t just piss away
a ten dollar movie ticket and in the interest of full disclosure that would be
my ten dollar ticket I am talking about. Hey, when it comes to taking direction
from almost any nurse it is best not to do what we do but rather do what we
say. Or perhaps more in the spirit of Margaret Newman look at where we are
pointing to and see what might be over there for you.
I’d like to change gears a bit here and turn my focus from
cupcakes to acronyms and an application to today’s topic of wisdom. Our Story
telling Group is part of the S-A-G-E activities offered by the Center. SAGE is
an acronym that stands for “Service and Advocacy for GLBT Elders”. That is
pretty much a big snooze as far as I am concerned. I would much rather have us
referred to as “sages” all small letters and no acronym even alluded to. The
acronym, SAGE, also seems to heavily imply that we are a group in need of
advocacy and services. There is certainly no denying that some of us queer elders
are in need of both service and advocacy at least at certain times during our
golden years. However, it is much more appealing to me to be recognized as a
sage with much to offer the larger queer world than a member of a group called
SAGE focused on providing advocacy and service.
One definition I ‘Googled’ on for a sage is someone “having,
showing or indicating great wisdom”. Well I think its time we all accepted that
definition and put on the mantle of sage. Again to cop a bit to Margaret Newman
I think many of us around this table are very capable of helping our LGBT
brothers and sisters to recognize the power that is within them to move to
higher levels of consciousness.
One form this might take is embedded in idea that Phil and I
have been lightly kicking around for sometime and that might be an e-book
perhaps, an anthology of stories from this group from those of you who have
come to openly queer consciousness in your SAGE years.
There has been so much wisdom expressed in many stories I
have heard here but I am often most moved and impressed with those coming out
stories being shared by folks who have come out in the last 10-15 years and
much more recently for a few. These stories would I think be a great benefit
and succor to those other elders contemplating this same leap. There is an old
Zen saying: ‘leap and a net shall appear”. What a great gift of a net these
stories could be for someone deciding at 50 or 60 or 70 to come out as queer.
I have shared many of my own coming out experiences primarily
from the late sixties but really how much would a 60 year old today relate to
my crazy ass stories of fucking with my high school mentor in the biology lab
of a Catholic prep school on a Good Friday afternoon no less. Rather people
relating stories of coming to queerness out of long and often very happy
heterosexual unions often resulting in offspring during the swirling years of
gay liberation, AIDS, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and marriage equality would most
likely resonate much more than tales of hallucinogenic trips at the bathhouses
of the 1970’s.
So in closing I would like to anoint us all as the true sages
we are and push us a bit to start sharing our deep wisdom about the many areas
of life we have occupied, particularly the queer corners.
© 22 June
2014
About the Author
I was
born in La Porte Indiana in 1949, raised on a farm and schooled by Holy Cross
nuns. The bulk of my adult life, some 40 plus years, was spent in Denver,
Colorado as a nurse, gardener and gay/AIDS activist. I have
currently returned to Denver after an extended sabbatical in San Francisco,
California.
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