Who the heck came up with
this topic? Just because the title
rhymes doesn't mean that every member of the Story-Time group will have
something worthwhile to say about it...and, in my case, certainly nothing serious. I've read the lyrics of the Shafer and Shafer
song, and I can't say that the song has any memorable quality to it, regardless
of whether the song is sung by George Straight or Marvin Gay.
To begin with, I don't have
any exes. I had just one partner of
twenty years before he died of lung cancer, and I don't consider him to be an
“ex.” Besides, if I did have exes, the
kind of person I would have associated with, as sure as hell, never would want
to move to Texas.
Oh, I'm sure that a few of
the people in Texas are very nice and have something to offer humanity, but I
have to say the the ones that I met on a couple of visits left me
unimpressed. Now, maybe this statement
is too much of a generality, but it appeared to me that the only things the
Texans whom I met were interested in were money, power, food, and sex...and
maybe in that order. They practiced a
form of Texan chauvinism, viewing outsiders as suspect, probably even
un-American.
The Texan culture (to use
that term loosely) seems to consist of strident guitars, pounding drums, cold
beer, and line-dancing. The Texas
Two-Step probably was devised by quickly avoiding cow paddies out on the
prairie. Yes, I know that Houston has an
opera, but I suspect that its oil-rich patrons gave tons of money to Carl Rove
to help him execute the 2000 George-Bush junta that placed him the Presidents'
office.
After eight years of W,
along with a plague of senators and congressman from that lunatic asylum, I
cringe at even the hint of a Texas accent.
I recall when a Texas senator (who expressed his dislike of faggots) had
the hubris to consider running for President.
He naturally went to his base, the N.R.A., for a speech. One of his statements, and his thick Texas
drawl, remain indelibly printed in my memory.
He said, “Ah own more guhns than ah need, but not as minny as ah
wohnt!” I suppose he thought that this
sentiment qualified him to be leader of the “Free World.”
In case any of you needs
assistance in interpreting Texan speech, there is, in fact, a Texan-English
dictionary. For example, “ohll” is that
black stuff that they pump out of the ground.
And, “Yurp” is that place east across the ocean.
I'll tell you what - - how
about culling out those Texan senators and congressmen who are scary, delusional
nut-cases and making them all exes. Get
them out of Washington and send them back to Texas. Then if they want to secede, let them. Let them try to make it on their own without
all the federal services and benefits that they claim are a commie intrusion
upon their freedom. The next time a
hurricane devastates their coastline cities and industries, let them try to
make it on their own. Or, maybe they can
ask Mexico for help.
I have one more suggestion:
how about all those people throughout the nation who have had the misfortune to
have made terrible choices in selecting partners sending all their exes to
Texas? Get them out of the country and
put them where they belong. We could
call that program “Keep America Beautiful.”
© 17 December 2013
About
the Author
I have had a life-long fascination with people
and their life stories. I also realize
that, although my own life has not brought me particular fame or fortune, I too
have had some noteworthy experiences and, at times, unusual ones. Since I joined this Story Time group, I have
derived pleasure and satisfaction participating in the group. I do put some thought and effort into my
stories, and I hope that you find them interesting.
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