The Fractured History of Clothes, by Ricky

The first case of sunburn resulted in the slang term “red skins” to differentiate the early humans into two groups; the clothed and the nudists.

Clothes!  What a wonderful invention.  The first recorded version of clothes was fig leaves, which were then exchanged for animal skins; a much needed improvement for winter and colder climates.  We should all be grateful for those two “cave” people who had the foresight to switch from leaves to animal hides.  This had the added benefit to reduce the excessively sunburned population so that today the only few remaining “red skins” are those very few that play professional baseball.

Over time the cave people moved into communities and the hunter-gatherer peoples prospered.  But as populations of these people increased and the animals used for food and skins began to shun the presence of hunters, some enterprising gatherers sought out some means of supplementing the animal skin shortage.  Eventually, they found a way to process animal fur, vegetable fibers, and worm cocoons into a suitable product for making something to wear.

Since this was something completely new, there was no name for it.  Clothes are what they wanted to make out of the new product but they needed a catchy new word to market their product.  Finally some pundit from “Madison on the Avenue” in the ancient village of York reasoned that since “clothes” was a plural word and this new product is what is used to make clothes, the product should be named “cloth” using the singular form of “clothes”.  The community of merchants quickly adapting to the new word, needed a generic way to indicate the multitude of different furs, vegetable, and worm based products they had for sale in their possession.  They decided to use the word “clothes” but were quickly corrected by their language instructors that “clothes” and “clothes” were spelled the same but pronounced differently.  Since homonyms had not yet been invented, the merchants were compelled by their instructors to use the word “fabrics” to avoid confusion.

The makers of fabrics tended to be women and were referred to as “loomies” because “fabric makers” was too hard to say and “loomers” sounded to close to “losers” which had already been assigned to those who did not win at arm wrestling and “weavers” was used to label people who would drink too much fermented liquids and thus could not walk a straight or gay line.

The merchants quickly discovered that the majority of people who purchased their fabrics were male.  Indeed, in those ancient times and into our modern day the males would wear highly colored fabrics with varied glyphs, runes, borders, and designs to make themselves look more important than another.  This became a quasi-universal trait among males of any community.  They were easily recognized by their plain or elaborate dresses, robes, and evening gowns.  Eventually, these men became known as “men-of-the-cloth” because “men-of-the-fabric” seemed too formal.

As the cost of the fabrics became prohibitive for the poorer members of a community, the “men-of-the-cloth” were looked upon as being wise and knowledgeable because they could afford to buy clothing made of fabric.  So, gradually the men-of-the-cloth were granted leadership positions and the power of authority over other community members.  This did not always work out well.

There are remnants of this practice today.  Traditional men-of-the-cloth still exist nearly everywhere, but they are not as powerful as they once were.  Modern men-of-the-cloth can be identified by the red color of their neckties and can still be heard talking as if they were all wise and knowledgeable.  In our day, the most flamboyant of the men-of-the-cloth often attend after work establishments and entertain the crowds.  Reportedly, they are well respected and revered by everyone except those known as being “dragaphobic”.

With hindsight, perhaps it would have been better if the ancient fig leaf wearing cave people had stayed nudists.

© 22 September 2014

About the Author

I was born in June of 1948 in Los Angeles, living first in Lawndale and then in Redondo Beach.  Just prior to turning 8 years old in 1956, I was sent to live with my grandparents on their farm in Isanti County, Minnesota for two years during which time my parents divorced.

When united with my mother and stepfather two years later in 1958, I lived first at Emerald Bay and then at South Lake Tahoe, California, graduating from South Tahoe High School in 1966.  After three tours of duty with the Air Force, I moved to Denver, Colorado where I lived with my wife and four children until her passing away from complications of breast cancer four days after the 9-11-2001 terrorist attack.

I came out as a gay man in the summer of 2010.   I find writing these memories to be therapeutic.

My story blog is, TheTahoeBoy.Blogspot.com.