This should be an interesting topic
for our story group. I can imagine that
there will be several gay role models written about; perhaps, one for each of
the group members. But, I can also
imagine there will be some members who, like me, have no gay role models. In which case, it will be interesting to see
how those group members respond to this topic.
As far back in
time as I can remember, I only met one gay man (Jim Nabors) that might have
become a role model but, was not. The
problem was two-fold. First, I did not
know he was gay until decades later and second, I did not know (or admit to
myself) I was gay until decades later.
In my pre-teen
years, I did get to watch Liberace, if he was a featured guest on someone’s TV
show. I did notice his flamboyant costume and signature candelabra sitting on top of his grand piano and thought it was
strange when compared to other pianists I had seen in movies or on TV. However, no adult ever mentioned that he was
probably a homosexual in my presence. It
would have been strange if they had brought up a sexual topic to me at that
age. If fact, the only people who did
speak about sex were my peers when we finally reached puberty and began to
share forbidden information, magazines, and photos taken from our fathers’
“hidden stashes”.
In high school,
I did not know any gay males. In
college, while I did mentally lust after a few males in my dorm, I did not act on the
feelings because I was afraid of being labeled “queer” and, at that time, I was
terribly shy and did not know how to make friends, straight or otherwise. After I married, there was very little
incentive to even mentally lust after males.
So, it was easy to consider myself “normal” and not homosexual. Besides, I really did want a family.
Like many gay
men of my generation, marriage was expected by society and it became a place to
hide one’s orientation and consciously or unconsciously suppress the
desires. Thus, during the marriage
period for me there was no opportunity to develop a relationship with a gay
person, so no role model appeared.
At my current
age, I am fairly set in my ways and I have yet to find or (in my opinion) to
need a gay role model. I obtained role
models when I was young. Not human role
models, but philosophical role models.
·
If
you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything. (I don’t follow this one all the time, in
fact never did follow it exclusively.)
·
Do
unto others as you want them to do unto you.
And then came the philosophical role models that still
dominate my life:
·
The
Boy Scout Oath and the Scout Law. These two underpinnings were cemented in
place by my joining the LDS Church.
This is why I am the nice-guy I am.
The Boy Scout
program stopped me from becoming a juvenile delinquent. I was already on the path to become one
because I had no parental supervision and lots of time for my idle hands to
find the “Devil’s workshop.” I could say
that my scoutmasters were my role models at the time I needed a role
model. It was a pity that they did not
know I was sexually confused and they were not gay. Who knows what or who I may have become if
they had un-confused me at that age.
©
23 February 2015
About the Author
I was born in June of 1948 in Los Angeles, living first in Lawndale
and then in Redondo Beach. Just prior to
turning 8 years old in 1956, I was sent to live with my grandparents on their
farm in Isanti County, Minnesota for two years during which time my parents
divorced.
When united with my mother and stepfather two years later
in 1958, I lived first at Emerald Bay and then at South Lake Tahoe, California,
graduating from South Tahoe High School in 1966. After three tours of duty with the Air Force,
I moved to Denver, Colorado where I lived with my wife and four children until
her passing away from complications of breast cancer four days after the 9-11-2001
terrorist attack.
I came out as a gay man in the summer of 2010. I find writing these memories to be
therapeutic.
My story blog is: TheTahoeBoy.Blogspot.com
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