Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Bumper Stickers, by Will Stanton


Bumper stickers.  We all have seen hundreds of them, many on car bumpers, some stuck on car or truck windows.  A search on Google images brings up lots of them, but I have to say that I'm not impressed with many of them.   The vast majority of those stickers I would prefer never to have stuck onto my own bumpers.  Many of them appear to have been concocted by mindless idiots who think that they have been so clever.  The stickers neither convey any message worth reading nor spark constructive thinking.  Too many of them are simply profane, substituting profanity for wit. 

And, far too many of them express hate, something that I have grown very tired of.  I actually saw a battered old pickup truck with a sticker on the cab's rear window that read, “Save America.  Shoot all Muslims and Democrats.”  What added to the irony was that the stereotypical looking cretin behind the wheel also had placed a “I love Jesus” sticker next to the other one.  It reminded me of a satirical bumper sticker that I once saw that asked, “What gun would Jesus buy?”  Or, there was one I saw that said, “Nuc a gay whale for Christ.”

I have become weary of seeing religious messages on bumper stickers.  Of course, those people who place them there have the right to do so; however, I think that there are so many that they become tiresome.  Or worse, the statements shout intolerance, proudly inferring that their religion is the only true religion, and all others are false, sure to send the adherents to hell.  The acerbic-tongued, British actress Maggie Smith sums it up quite nicely: “My dear, religion is like a penis.  It's a perfectly fine thing for one to have and to take pride in; but when one takes it out and waves it in my face, we have a problem.”

I can think of a lot of messages that I could share with others, but I feel that most people would think them too tame, too “goody-two-shoes.”   Here are a few.  “Have you treated everyone kindly today?”  “Have you been honest in all of your business dealings today?”  “Are all your political statements honest and constructive?”  “Do you strive each day to make society a better place?”  I feel that such messages should be seen by everyone; however, most likely, many people, viewing such positive messages, might choose to become irritated or even angry.  The messages convey modes of behavior too foreign to their own experience and desires.

Of course, most people select bumper stickers that concern them personally, often omitting messages of general interest.  I, too, can think of various messages based upon my personal preferences, such as good music and its remarkable influence upon emotional health and even physical well-being.  How about a bumper sticker that says “Build fresh brain cells.-- Listen to classical music.”  Or, “Go for Baroque.” 

Or, people might prefer something a little more catchy.  At one time a few years ago, I met a young waiter whose father was an opera-tenor.  The father and his favorite historical figure was the superlative singer Carlo Broschi, known on stage as “Farinelli.”  The waiter asked me to find a good portrait of Farinelli and to assist in preparing the digital data to make a series of good-quality T-shirts, some for his dad and himself, and others for friends.  An acquaintance of mine who was supposed to print them never bothered to do so, but the slogan still could work on a bumper sticker.  Print a picture of Farinelli along with the statement, “It takes balls to be a castrato.”  That bumper sticker might raise an eyebrow or two.




© 19 November 2014 

About the Author  



 I have had a life-long fascination with people and their life stories.  I also realize that, although my own life has not brought me particular fame or fortune, I too have had some noteworthy experiences and, at times, unusual ones.  Since I joined this Story Time group, I have derived pleasure and satisfaction participating in the group.  I do put some thought and effort into my stories, and I hope that you find them interesting.

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