When I first prepared this
piece, I read it to two acquaintances.
One is a retired accounting teacher, the other is a successful, wealthy
oil-and-gas land-man. Neither one understood
it. They had absolutely no idea what I
was talking about.
What I wrote is satire. It portrays a type of ignorant, irrational,
intolerant individuals which often is typical of extreme right-wing,
religiosity-minded people. Many such
extremists, for example, reportedly never understood that Steven Colbert merely
portrayed an unthinking right-winger as satire; they really were happy to think
that he was a rabid conservative. As
with all satire, my piece also expresses my dismay and mystification that so
terribly many people display mindless hate.
In doing so, it also expresses my own wish that such intolerance did not
exist. So, here goes.
Letter to the Editor, The
Denver Post, from Mrs. Winifred Hash.
Headline: Our Society is Going
to Hell in a Hand-basket.
I am outraged, disgusted! I could just throw up. While I was in church this morning, Mrs.
Hogsbreath revealed that her little girl Suzy's teacher this year is
left-handed. I am horrified. How in God's name could any school let a
left-handed person into the school to teach innocent children?
Everybody knows that
left-handed people are evil. After all,
the word “sinister” can mean “left.”
That's why Godless Liberals are called “The Left.”
The principle and
superintendent should be fired. They are
just as guilty as those left-handed perverts.
Once they sneak into our schools, they promote their left-handed agenda,
trying to convert our little boys and girls into being left-handed.
I've heard those so-called
scientists spouting their claims on TV that some people are born left-handed. I just know that's not true. I asked Reverend Spittle, and he said that's
a lie – a damned lie, and only those adulterous, Hollywood actors and Commie's
in Congress believe it. I should have
known I'd hear only lies on Liberal-controlled media. From now on, I'll stick with Fox where I can
hear the truth.
Being left-handed is a
down-right choice, and these repulsive people choose to engage in left-handedness,
engaging in disgusting practices and flaunting their abnormality on TV; and, if
you actually can believe this, I've seen them in parades! My good friend Mrs. Offal said that the
church runs a restorative therapy clinic to cure youngsters, who were led
astray, back to normality. She had to
send her teenage son Billy there. They
are praying away his sin.
After church, my husband Al
and I had dinner at our good friend's Joe and Agnes Hollowhead. Joe was just as outraged as Al and me. He said that we need to stop that left-handed
plague right now, that we need to round up all those perverts and lock them all
up in some big pen in the middle of the dessert, away from good, God-fearing
Americans.
I know that a lot of people
feel the way the Hollowheads and us feel, and it is time we do something about
it. Maybe my letter will help wake people
up and stop God's country from going to Hell in a hand-basket.
Yours truly,
Mrs. Winifred Hash
© 09 August 2015
About
the Author
I have had a life-long fascination with
people and their life stories. I also
realize that, although my own life has not brought me particular fame or
fortune, I too have had some noteworthy experiences and, at times, unusual
ones. Since I joined this Story Time
group, I have derived pleasure and satisfaction participating in the group. I do put some thought and effort into my
stories, and I hope that you find them interesting.
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