Smile. The threesome posed with an apprehensive grin
as their buddy taking the picture commented on the potential FaceBook caption
he would assign to this particular photo op,
“My buddies waiting to get tested at the STD Clinic”.
And then, one-by-one each of
the buddies was called into the clinic offices
for their chance to fill one of those plastic containers, complete a blood
draw, and finally, meet with the
counselor.
“Have you had sex in the
past 48 hours?” questioned the counselor.
“Yes.”
“24? ”
“24 what?”
“Hours”
‘”Uh, yes.”
“More recent than 12?”
With a grin and a deep sense
of satisfaction, “Yes.”
The counselor then proceeded
to demonstrate, using his finger, how a condom rides down the organ, exposing
the shaft and consequently exposing the base, you know—The BASE, to potential
infection. It seemed like the lead into
an infomercial for some type of device, much like a garter that could be
attached somewhere on the body to hold the condom in its appropriate location
for $19.95 (and if ordered within the next while, the order would be
tripled). Just what was needed for the
threesome who had been waiting in the outer office for their time for direction
and instruction in safe sex.
Upon leaving the Clinic, the
buddies compared the stash of condoms each had been given proclaiming there was
agreement that they were safe for the next while, at least 48 hours.
A week later at coffee there
was a sense of relief and satisfaction knowing that each of the three had gotten
his tests back. All was OK.
“No syphilis,” the first
proclaimed.
“All is clear with me,”
stated another; only to be joined by the third, “I’m clean.”
There was a deep smile and
hug shared by the three, as they raised their mugs to their mouths and cheered
this most recent reporting. Something
they have committed to on a routine basis.
AIDS, has become the focus
of health considerations for the GLBT community since the early 1980’s when the
death causing syndrome at the time was first identified. Especially for men, AIDS was thought by some
to be God’s judgment and retribution for “unnatural relationships between men.” This particular disease for a while ravaged
the bodies and lives of many of our brothers and sisters, as well.
As a result of the focus on
AIDS since the 80’s, the disease is better managed within the culture.
AIDS has become part of my life. Knowing that each of us to some extent live
with AIDS daily, even though it is not in my body, it has become part of my
culture and day-to-day existence. AIDS
exists all around me and I don’t want it in me.
Understanding how AIDS has
become part of our culture, and my day-to-day existence, I’m also drawn to the
realization that much of my reaction to life actually creates Dis-Ease.
Dis-Ease
actually occurs within each of us as we experience the contraction that comes
with judgment, be it judgment about something or someone outside of me, or more
commonly, judgments against my own self.
It has been suggested by some researchers that there is a physiological
reaction within the bodies various systems to the contraction that is
experienced within when judgment occurs.
Judgment causes the very cellular
structure to break down. The cells
within the body vibrate in a completely dissonant way. There is contraction. The fluids do not move through the cells as
they were created to move. The nutrients
do not become transported or delivered to the cells. The waste matter is not processed
properly. Everything gets clogged up,
and there is dis-ease.
Dis-ease
exists within me in a very physiological way.
Its cause may result from actual physical infection or from the
contractions within resulting from my judgments against myself and others. Certainly there are measures that I must take
to protect myself from external causes of infection resulting in disease, such
as those recommendations of the STD Clinic staff. Equally, I must pay attention to the
contractions and disruptions to my bodies various systems that occur when I
experience judgments against myself and others.
I entered the office alone. There were no buddies, no photo op.
“Have you made any judgments
against yourself or another in the past 48 hours?”
“Yes.” (I mean, after all,
do I want that politician representing me as a gay man?)
“24?”
“Yes.” (Well, the person in
the express checkout line had more than ten items.)
“More recently?”
“Yes. Actually in the moments before sharing this
writing.” Stated without a grin or sense
of satisfaction.
Oh for an infomercial
offering some type of device that would help me to self-monitor the judgments
that occur in my mind, moment-by-moment.
The judgments that create contractions and dis-ease within that can serve to be more lethal than
actually contracting some other dreaded disease, such as AIDS. The remedy? Hmmmmmmmm!
The remedy, self
forgiveness. For each time I am judging
another, even the driver in front of me or the customer in the express checkout
ahead of me, I’m actually judging myself.
Certainly those judgments against myself about being unworthy or in some
way, not enough; ripple through my body in the form of contraction that
disrupts the various systems within my body creating dis-ease which can be as life
altering as other forms of disease.
I am learning what to do to
protect myself from dis-ease. I take my
vitamins, practice safe sex and even wear my seatbelt. The consideration that begs my attention is Am I as vigilant about monitoring the
judgments that can exist in my life experience in a very inconspicuous way?
The judgments that are life altering especially
when I withdraw and step aside out of a sense of unworthiness.
Dis-ease. I live with it silently. Separately.
Alone.
Hey, what was that 800 number
again?
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