There
are a few issues which are of minor importance to some, but about which I have
remained steadfast in doing it my way.
Growing up I was not spared from being
bombarded with advertising directed at young women. Products such as cosmetics--eyeliner,
mascara--foundation garments designed to enhance your breasts and diminish your
waistline, crippling high heels, cancer causing hair removal products, etc,
etc. I decided early on (even before I knew what a dyke was--much less that I
was one) early on I decided these products were not for me. It probably helped that I did not enjoy
reading “girlie” magazines with their come-on ads sucking in girls who were
trying to hurry up and become women.
Perhaps this earthy attitude toward life was the influence of my Quaker
grandmother--a very earthy person indeed--and a person I admired very
much.
Yet,
as a youngster, I had a strong tendency and still have a slight tendency to
want to “fit in.” It was important to me
to be accepted by most of my peers, especially the popular ones. I cannot say I never wore high heels--I
did. I cannot say I never wore
lipstick. I relented when it came to
lipstick and I still on special occasions put on the stuff. The point here is that I refused to be taken
over, sucked in, controlled, if you will, by the industry. Who are they to tell me I need to enhance my
natural appearance? I cannot say I never
tried some of the products out. But one
painful pluck of an eyebrow hair, one glance at dripping mascara, one attempt
to run in those spiked heels and I knew none of it was for me. When I came out,
I found that as a lesbian I was much more at home with this rebellious attitude
and stubborn refusal to contribute to Ms. Elizabeth Arden or Mary Kay.
Along
those lines, one other practice that I refuse to submit to is wearing those
tight-fitting, skin-clinging, indigestion-inducing women’s pants with no
pockets. I have to say, in the stores they look great on the manikins, but the
manikins are always holding their breath and never sitting down. Nor do the manikins suffer the long term
effects of gravity on the body.
Also, I will not buy a pair of women’s pants
if they have no pockets. That’s partly
because my way is to not carry a purse.
It is a nuisance and something to lose, leave behind, or have ripped
off. How did this purse-carrying
practice come about? I suppose it’s
because long ago women could not own property, including money, so there was no
need to have a safe place like a deep pocket to carry it.
Here’s
the thing with little teeny-weeny, everyday issues. I don’t always do this, but I try most of
the time to not let ego or stubbornness get in the way of doing the other
person’s way. For example questions
like, shall we take this route or that route?
Shall we travel to this place or that place for vacation? I have often found that the other person’s
way turns out to be a better way; and besides, if it turns out not to be the
better way, I don’t have to take responsibility for making the wrong choice.
Then
there are a couple of issues which are of major importance and about which I
have been steadfast, albeit not throughout my entire life. It was not until I was willing to live my
life honestly that I started doing it my way.
What
I have in mind here is life style. Well
actually, not just life style but, living a life according to who I really am,
in other words, being true to myself.
When I was in my late forties, my children were almost grown and I had
been married for nearly 25 years. I
finally realized that being attracted to and falling in love with females,
rather than males was not a fleeting, temporary phase of my development. Instead this was my true nature and was part
of who I was. I also came to the
realization that sexuality is a huge part of who a person is. If I was going to ever be true to myself, I
needed to come out. This would not be easy because I had been married to my
best friend, and a good person. I came
to understand, however, that I would not survive if I did not do it my way and
come out. That other woman whose role I
had been playing all my life might have survived, but, it would have been in an
unhappy and depressed state and that was not my way.
My
way is to be comfortable in my skin.
Although it has taken the better part of a lifetime to get there, now I
can say with assurance I am just that--comfortable, happy, content, and at
peace--and that is my way.
About the Author
Betsy has been active in the
GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for
Change). She has been retired from the
Human Services field for about 15 years.
Since her retirement her major activities include tennis, camping,
traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports
Center for the Disabled, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25
years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and
enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and
most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25
years, Gillian Edwards.
No comments:
Post a Comment