How Being Lesbian Has Directed My Spiritual Journey - A Journey to Serenity, by Betsy

I was recently reminded of the huge respect I have for the 12 Step Program when I attended an Al-anon meeting as a guest.  I had some knowledge of the 12 steps from some previous experiences, but have never actually worked the program. 

I was amazed to hear a member share that he was thankful for the alcoholism in his family as it is because of that that the man had been introduced to the 12 steps program.

For the next couple of days, I attempted to draw parallels in my life to what I had heard in the meeting and to apply my experiences to some of the steps.  It finally occurred to me that I could make an analogy with my experience of growing up gay and coming out.

Consider the first step, for example.  “We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.”  Apply this to coming out, I mused.  I acknowledged, accepted that I was homosexual and powerless to change that fact.”

Growing up pretending to be straight, living the life-style of a heterosexual person can be seen as resistance to nature itself. A self-imposed resistance put in place by societal norms and the culture around sexual behavior of the time.  Admitting, that is, giving in to the reality that I am homosexual, not heterosexual, accepting this fact and being totally aware of it could be seen as the first step to take in managing a large problem in one’s life. Clearly I prefer using the word “acknowledge” or accept” to the word “admit” in this context. Making others aware of our true self reinforces one’s resolve and strength to manage that life and to live honestly.

Being gay, of course, is not a direct parallel to abuse of alcohol. Although there are those who may see homosexuality as an addiction and something of which one should diligently work to deny him/herself and to be rid of.  Fortunately, it appears that most people today know better.  Today we are anxiously waiting to see whether our Supreme Court wants to be included in that majority group.

Step 2: “We came to see that a power greater than ourselves restored us to sanity.”  I see my sexuality as part of my Being and my being represents, according to my belief, the power of God within me.  This is not something I control any more than I can control the color of my eyes, the shape of my face, or any other aspect of my tangible or intangible form.

Steps 3, 4, and 5 further reflect the healing effect of acknowledging who I truly am both in word and life style.

I’m going to skip step 6—“We’re entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.”

However, I can see interpreting this as a supplication to God to forgive me for not honoring my true self at an earlier time in my life.

The rest of the steps are more directly applicable to issues other than coming out/being out. However, I see them as very powerful concepts to put into practice for any one any time.

I also was reminded of the Serenity Prayer which is used to open and close the Al-anon meetings.  I have a miniature of the Serenity Prayer on my bedside table.  It’s been there a long time and I usually forget it is there. I am very happy to be reminded of its powerful words—very appropriate for GLBT’s—and I hope to remember to utter them or at least think of them every day.

“God, give me the strength to accept what I cannot change,

The courage to change that which I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.”

© 10 Jun 2015 

About the Author 

Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver Women’s Chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change), and the GLBT Community Center. She has been retired from the human services field for 20 years. Since her retirement, her major activities have included tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with the National Sports Center for the Disabled, reading, writing, and learning. Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and four grandchildren. Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 30 years, Gillian Edwards.