Culture Shock by Donny Kaye

For all those years that I existed in the closet I had an impression of what homosexual culture was.  My narrow perspective was formed by the very same institutions and people that had created in me the sense that who I was and the sexual energy that stirred in me was wrong, something to be changed,  Something that even warranted a death sentence.

I was confident that I would be regarded as dark and sinful and lacking in moral integrity. I learned from the culture in which I existed there had to be a sense of moral depravity on the part of those who engaged in homosexual behavior.   

The culture taught that homosexuals were degenerates and even a threat to the sanctity of American family values.  Certain politicians had identified for the American public that homosexuals, especially those who asked for their rights to marry were no different than terrorists.

Homosexual acts and those who committed them had always been described in less than flattering terms. After all, gay men were the equivalent of dog fuckers! Jokes abounded about the likes of homosexuals.  Homosexuals were seen as a threat to all things decent and good.  Sodomites. Psychiatric nut cases.  Child molesters. In the minds of some, homosexuals were regarded as "The Revolution".

As a man of a certain sexual persuasion, I existed in the closet with greater intensity, extremely fearful of the culture that I would enter if I were ever courageous enough to step through the door that I had locked and sealed so many years ago.  Even though I knew who I was, or at least of the sexual energy that stirred in me, I felt the guilt and the shame from the cultural understandings of homosexuality by association. 

The shock of the homosexual culture as described by the predominant culture was so intense, disgusting and terrifying that the thought I could ever cross the threshold of the doorway, kept me from the very essence of who I am. To enter such a culture seemed an impossibility. 

At this time in my life the true shock for me that is experienced is in the disgust I hold for those who perpetuate the lies, judgments and condemnation of this culture, my culture. 

What I found, once I found agreement within me to cross the closet threshold and enter the culture that I had feared for so long; my judgments, my concerns and my fears were immediately disproven.

I read a quote of Dan Savage’s which begins to address the experiences I am having as I coexist in this family I am coming to know as my family of choice.  “…what goes down under my roof is a social conservative’s wet dream.” 

Within the container of my family of choice I am in the experience of profound compassion, the expression of deep caring and consideration, and a refreshing occurrence of people existing with one another in truth. Yes, there are exceptions but isn’t that true generally?  There seems to be an increased level consciousness that I experience as I interact with my newest family members.  I am realizing that for the most part they act with integrity, openness and a deep sense of personal responsibility.  They exist with dreams and a propensity toward creating peace and living consciously. 

My Friday night experiences on the dance floor at Charlie’s attest to the capacity of diverse people to coexist with one another in a spirit of celebration and lightness.  Men dance with men, women with women in some instances.  And at the same time there are hetero couples moving about the floor, alongside men following the lead of their female partners.  Some of the individuals on the floor are dressed in drag, either feminine or masculine.  Manly men, gorgeous women, dykes, butch, fem, it doesn’t seem to matter.  Old coexist with young.  Black with white, all the demographics I was taught to fear move in unison to the music, most significantly with engaging smiles, occasional winks and always  a parting hug as the music stops and couples move from the dance floor back into the whole of human kind. 

This is my culture.  It reflects consciousness and allowance for each to be precisely themselves.  It is sensible, and reflects hope and desire to live peacefully with the rights of individuals, assured and respected. It is a culture that reflects true family values. 

About the Author 

Donny Kaye-Is a native born Denverite. He has lived his life posing as a hetero-sexual male, while always knowing that his sexual orientation was that of a gay male. In recent years he has confronted the pressures of society that forced him into deep denial regarding his sexuality and an experience of living somewhat of a disintegrated life. “I never forgot for a minute that I was what my childhood friends mocked, what I thought my parents would reject and what my loving God supposedly condemned to limitless suffering.” StoryTime at The Center has been essential to assisting him with not only telling the stories of his childhood, adolescence and adulthood but also to merely recall the stories of his past that were covered with lies and repressed in to the deepest corners of his memory. Within the past two years he has “come out” not only to himself but to his wife of four decades, his three children, their partners and countless extended family and friends. Donny is divorced and yet remains closely connected with his family. He lives in the Capitol Hill Community of Denver, in integrity with himself and in a way that has resulted in an experience of more fully realizing integration within his life experiences. He participates in many functions of the GLBTQ community.