Lonely Places by Betsy

There are so many lonely places one could write about, I find it difficult to settle on one of them.  Probably the loneliest for me would be loneliness of the heart, such as having a secret about oneself--something one is terrified to disclose--that’s a very lonely place indeed.

Fear makes a person feel very lonely--fear of violence, abuse, hunger, thirst, etc. I imagine this to be a very lonely state of being.  Some are fearful of being physically alone. They want to be surrounded by people--any people-- all the time.  This also must be an agonizingly lonely person.

I imagine hatred would contribute to a person’s feeling of loneliness as well. I believe for humans the natural state of being is to love not to hate. Hatred is a creation of the human mind and is not “natural.”

These are all states of being.  Right now I am thinking about an actual place.

Because I have recently returned from a visit to the state of Alaska I am thinking of a place most of us have never visited, a place that appears to be very lonely. Most of the area of the state of Alaska is a vast wilderness uninhabited by humans. The population of the state is around 732,000.  That’s in the entire state of 663,268 square miles an area almost one quarter the size of the continental United States.  More than half these 700,000 people live in the cities of Anchorage, Fairbanks, and Juneau.  The other half are scattered in towns, villages, or solitary homes, many of them reachable only by airplane or boat.  Alaska is the largest state in area in the U.S. and ranks 47th in population making it the least densely populated state with only 1.26 people per square mile.  I imagine that living in the bush in Alaska would be a very lonely existence for most folks used to living in a world of people. But there are many people who live in the bush and live off the land by choice. Perhaps they were born there and their parents lived there, or maybe they just landed there and loved it and decided to stay. In some remote villages a piece of fruit such as one orange can cost $5.00.  You would HAVE to live off the land in these circumstances.

Alaska’s road system covers only a small area of the state linking the central population centers of Anchorage and Fairbanks and the Alaska Highway, the route out of the state through Canada. The state capital of Juneau is not accessible by road only by car ferry.  The northern and western part of Alaska have no road system connecting the communities with the rest of the state. 

I try to imagine living in the bush hundreds of miles from the nearest town. Most of the people living in the bush live in tiny villages or a group of some sort.  But I know there are some who live by themselves, alone, in such a place--and by choice.  This would seem like a very lonely place to many of us, but clearly not to those who live such an existence.

I imagine them to be so well integrated into their environment that they never have a sense of aloneness.  They actually are not alone--being so completely ONE with your environment I imagine would not feel lonely.

Loneliness is most definitely a state of mind and relative to one’s situation.  In a way it could be very lonely to think of ourselves, us Earthlings, as alone in the universe, not knowing who may or may not be out there, where they are, who they are, how close they are, are they there at all.  On the other hand when I think of myself as PART of the universe, it doesn’t seem lonely at all.  I guess that’s how it is for the lone Alaskan, family, or even a community of Alaskan’s living in the bush.  They know they are a PART of the natural conditions in which they live since their very lives depend so totally on those conditions.

I do not believe that the lonely states of being mentioned above--fear, hatred, secretive living, I do not consider living in such a state to be living in tune with one’s natural environment, immediate surroundings or the Universe for that matter. So perhaps we humans create our own lonely places.  Perhaps there really are no lonely places except as creations of our minds.

I’ll have to give this more thought.  But for starters I like thinking about being in tune with my surroundings, my environment, whatever it may be--being in tune or being at ONE--I like to think of this as the way we are meant to live. I like to think of being in tune as a source of contentment and peace--the antithesis of feeling as if we live in a lonely place.

© 11 August 2014 

About the Author 

 Betsy has been active in the GLBT community including PFLAG, the Denver women’s chorus, OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change).  She has been retired from the Human Services field for about 15 years.  Since her retirement, her major activities include tennis, camping, traveling, teaching skiing as a volunteer instructor with National Sports Center for the Disabled, and learning.  Betsy came out as a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. She has a close relationship with her three children and enjoys spending time with her four grandchildren.  Betsy says her greatest and most meaningful enjoyment comes from sharing her life with her partner of 25 years, Gillian Edwards.