How the Hell would I
know??
I could pick one of
several who are the gayest-seeming people I have ever met, but that's just
appearance, the outward expression. Exactly how gay someone is inside, I
absolutely cannot know. No-one else can ever know how gay I am. Only I know;
and perhaps even I am not sure. Perhaps my gay quotient changes throughout my
life, or maybe it stays exactly even forever. I suspect members of the GLBT
society differ greatly in this, but for certain nobody else can know. You may
know what I say. In my Monday writings I tell you how I feel, as honestly and
openly as I can, but that does not mean you know.
I have often equated
being gay with being left-handed. If you is, you is. If you ain't, you ain't.
What sense would it make to talk about the most left-handed person I've ever
met? Sure, there are ambidextrous people just as there are bi people, so you
could use the same 1- 10 scale that Kinsey used for the range from
heterosexuality to homosexuality, with bi resting at five. Completely, one
hundred percent, right-handed people at 1, with the same values for
left-handers at 10, and completely ambidextrous at 5. But what number you land
on depends entirely on what you tell someone. No-one but me really knows how
hard it is for me to write my name with my left hand, anymore than they know
how it feels for me to have sex with a man, or share my life with a woman
instead of a man.
So. Sorry. Back to
where I started.
How the Hell would I
know??
© August 2014
About
the Author
I
was born and raised in England. After graduation from college there, I moved to
the U.S. and, having discovered Colorado, never left. I have lived in the
Denver-Boulder area since 1965, working for 30 years at IBM. I married, raised
four stepchildren, then got divorced after finally, in my forties, accepting
myself as a lesbian. I have now been with my wonderful partner Betsy for 25
years.
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